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The problem with trying to be understanding and fair about certian things is children WILL call your bluff eventually. Now i'm not a parent(thank god and should be a permanent thing soon) but i've had to deal with ALL types of kids. If there isnt concern something unreversable is going to happen they will keep doing it. I didnt get allowance from my dad but my sister did. We both had even chores, i also knew if i didnt take care of my chores or my items it would be REALLY difficult to re-obtain them, so i cared and worked hard for them. Sometimes you HAVE to back up your guns, and if you do it the right way it will only need to be done once, wether or not you're nice about it. There should be some fear when it comes to parenting, you're not there to be their friend, you're there to raise them. I've had my students call my bluff, but i make sure i carry it out in a way where it only happens once, i also dont care what they think of me afterwards because i know its for the better of them. Parenting should be the same way, too many parents view their children as friends and let them do anything. If your kid asked you to try coke what would you say? What would you do if you found out? What would your kids say if someone else asked them about what their parents would think. I know that i was afraid of my dad, but only when i did something i KNEW was wrong. Cause i knew there would be serious reprocusions. |
I disagree. You are trying to handle someone elses kids, not ones that you raised. I think if you bring the child up right then you do not have to give an unreversable consequence for something they did wrong. I can tell you that if you were teaching either one of my girls you would not have to discipline them at all. If you told them to do something in class they would do as you say.
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From my POV, if a person earns X, it is theirs. If they are a child or not does not matter. When you say they earn something, then remove it, you set up a little bit confusing property relationship; one where *everything* is effectively conditionally leased/rented. In this way, they child may learn obedience to authority, but may not develop a fully mature sense of ownership. Quote:
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I agree with you that it's the parents job give guidance but at a young age is it also their job to control that child. I disagree that giving them an allowance is the only way to teach them how to be responsible with money. After basketball season was over my senior year I got a job at Econo Lube and saved up enough money to get an apartment. After I finished school I moved out. I worked at Econo Lube for 9 months and then changed jobs. I worked for that company for 22 years before we got bought out and closed. That's when I went to work for my current employer who I've been with for almost 9 years. My wife and I bought our first house when we got married and it was a small little two bedroom that we could afford on just my income. We later sold that house and bought our current house again that we could afford on just my income. Even though my parents gave me money I still learned how to manage my expenses.
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I didn't say or even mean to imply it was. Just one pretty simple way that's all. Quote:
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1 - Kids. If one wants them and the other doesn't, you're going to have problems. Period. One must accept the position of the other. In my personal case I kind of wanted them and my wife did not, then fate intervened with a medical issue and that was that. But I'd be lying if I won't forever have some curiosity. Plus I think we can all agree I'd be about the coolest fucking dad ever. But the important part is that I understood and accepted my wife's position so I have no regrets. But if,as is more common, a woman strongly wants children as a life goal and has her identity tied up with it, and doesn't get them, she WILL have serious psychological issues as a result and those WILL affect the dude. You have to be reading from the same music on this. 2 - Money and work. If one is a tight wad and the other is a big spender, disaster is only a matter of time. Likewise if one prefers time and being together, doing stuff and the other is a severe work-a-holic, disaster is only a matter of time. Women get curious too, and more than a few have drifted to another man because their significant other was more commited to their job. 3 - Religion/spirituality. Also related to kids. If the parents have different faith traditions, they need to be in agreement on what they are going to teach or expose to their kids. What you don't want is a Holy War in the house. This is the kind of shit couples really need to work out before they start getting serious about coupling for life. Especially before they unintentionally start making kids. |
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1. I'm being fixed on the 9th, plain and simple. IF i were to want kids, and thats a huge IF cause i generally cant stand kids, at all. And i teach them as a requirement for certain certifications, thats it. She is the same way, she cant stand kids and doesnt want them. If for some odd reason 20 years down the line we both want kids i see adoption being just as much of an option as natural birth, there are plenty of kids in the world, hell in our own country who dont have homes, why would they be less of an option? 2. Money and work. I work hard cause i play hard, i dont work hard because i have nothing better to do. I work hard because there is so much better to do. I'm pretty good with my money, or at least i think so. My attainments ive made with hiw little i get paid is pretty awesome in my opinion. Vanessa also is a great saver. Ron hit the nail on the head, everything i purchase i make sure i can afford with my own money alone. This way she is able to finish schooling uniterupted. And any money she brings in is all gravy and fun. :umber one priority is not to put us on hold for stupid things, date night is a mandatory weekly thing. I make sure it happens every week regardless of the shit i have going on. I also have no issue putting off work for a day when she just need a hug or a get away. You dont get extras after life for ignoring your beloved for work. 3. Religion, we're both not very religious, simple. We have a certain guidline of decency towards each other. No cheating etc. Dont have to be religious to be a good person. I guess you can say my religion is my honor of the martial arts. Or bushido(budo) if you will. |
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Nope, we both cant stand kids. Case by case basis is ok, but generally cant. I'll agree Ron's kids are great but its definitely something i dont as a part of my life. Neither does she, she has looked into methods of sterylization as well but i deemed to have it performed on me cause there is FAR less risk. Plus 2 little incisions isnt nearly as bad as some of the trauma my nards have been through.
I'm glad to say we have things down pretty well, and the happy that people see when we're together transfers over into our private life as well. She's like the other side of my coin, and its a great feeling. |
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As for matching, it's the best thing in the world. |
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